Praying for Wisdom

450 Majors and 1 Department. I love the Recreation department don't get me wrong but some personalization might be nice. I do not like the size of Central because it is something I'm not used to but I embraced the change after a while and now I'm pretty much used to it. Just in time for me to change what I am going after and open a door to a new challenge. Challenges excite me...sort of. I love to take on things that I can see the progress in. Justin is looking at houses. He found one for cheap that he could fix up but he hasn't been able to get a hold of the real estate agent that the house is listed with. This is sad because it would be amazing to be able to close and start the new year getting moved into a new place. Anyway... I'm almost done with the semester. One exam to go and I'm not super stressed about it. I'm not looking forward to it either but I won't hate it. I'll just be glad when it hits 2 o'clock on Thursday because I w

Once again I am stressed out about classes because every one of my professors says "let's have a group project it will be fun" I have news for every professor who says that--you are a liar. These projects are not fun and very few of them are really even productive because we will not use them later in life when I have a group project for my oppression class. I am ready to be done and people tell me that everyone feels that way in the home stretch but I have been ready to be done since week 2 of Freshman year in college. This is not where I want to be but I feel like God is telling me keep it up, just a little while longer and you will get a reward. I almost ask myself is the reward worth it but then I realize that God knows me better than I know myself and the reward will not be a dinner but something much more valuable. The reward might even include a husband if I don't scare him off before that, not that I'm seriously concerned about this. He hasn't be

I just signed up for my classes at the coffee shop and found out that i do not have over a year left. I have one semester of classes left--this scares me out of my mind. I have to get an internship in order to graduate, I'm excited and scared.

Pastor Jim didn't make it through the weekend. His funeral is on Saturday. I have so much stuff to do so I am thankful that it is not until Saturday. That sounds selfish but it is the truth.

My pastor is not doing well. It's been a while since we found out that he had cancer but he is not gone yet and I am simply irritated by everyone who has let go of him already. I just had an epiphany that maybe I'm supposed to be letting go as well so that God can do his work or so that God can take him home. I don't really feel bad that pastor Jim is dying because he has been in so much pain lately that I just want to see his suffering ended. I'm angry at myself for not feeling bad and not crying. I didn't even cry when I lost grandpa a couple weeks ago. part of me wonders if it's because i don't feel anything. Just wondering, which is something I do a lot of lately. Needed to get this out of my system so I can focus on other things right now. More pressing things, maybe not more important.

Well today I'm doing a disability experience so I get to be in a wheelchair for 6 hours. I'm not extremely excited but it is a good experience. My group work is going fairly well. I have more groups to get into soon. That won't be as much fun. Working on our event for the one project. October 25th, Papa's Pumpkin Patch, Chili Tasting. I'm loving my job that I started at the end of summer. Working with Kari and Ernie is so much better than working with the other people. I'm so tired apparently staying awake and watching Love Happens in the theater was not a good idea. I was falling asleep driving home last night and falling asleep coming in this morning so apparently I will need to a. take a nap or b. go to bed early. I pick c. first take a nap and then go to sleep early. I hear people talk about engagements and rings and getting married. Part of me wants to be married right now!! That's a big part of me. The rest, that little itsy bitsy piece in t

Well I didn't update with the news that I got an interview and then I didn't update with the news that I got the job and then I didn't update that training made me nervous but it went well. I also didn't update that I would be gone for a week of church camp with no sleep and then a week of family camping. I also didn't update that Pastor Jim was dying last week. The miracle of the matter is that he was taken off life support and he is just too stubborn to die, he stayed with us. I hope that I am able to talk with him now. I saw grandma and grandpa today for a quick second at their house in Coleman but the house looks really bad and the grandparents don't look to healthy either. I've been working for almost a week and I love it. I start school next week, I'm excited and nervous. I really would like to finish up my degree as soon as humanly possible so that I don't have to continue with school anymore, I don't really enjoy going to class wit

I found out earlier this week that I don't have a job for the summer so I am like every other unemployed person out there--filling out applications like a mad woman. If I didn't have to drive so far to see Justin, I might not even worry about having a job but he is unemployed too and trying not to spend too much money. So that means that our outings have to be pretty cheap. There are things that we could do for cheap, like go to the park, have a picnic, or go for a walk. i just don't know how to ask. i really am not motivated to do most of these things so I need someone who will help motivate me. Plus I need to lose some weight because I have gained back all the weight that I lost after high school and probably more. But this is the thing that I have found: Trying to be healthy and go on a diet is expensive because the foods that are good for you are not something that you can just pick up for $1 at McDonald's. Fast food is so convenient that I don't even ha

My group for my Recreation class is driving me crazy. We have 4 days left until we have to run our program and they don't seem to understand that. We are going shopping for materials tomorrow and then we are leaving the rest of the stuff until Monday and then we are going to try to type everything up. I feel like it would make more sense to get all the typing out of the way and then go shopping after we make sure our games will fulfill the requirements. This irritates me a lot because I just don't understand why they are not doing the things we need. Just needed to vent.

I'm so super busy these days that I completely forgot to update anything. I just logged in to each account that I keep and had messages from several different people on each. It's good to feel loved sometimes. Well an update on me: i finished spring semester with a 3.6 GPA and that was awesome--it still only raises my complete GPA to like a 2.7 but if I keep up the good work I might be able to graduate with a decent GPA. I was really excited about that. Before that I celebrated my 21st--no big deal but it was fun. Now I am on to summer classes and I'm 1/3 of the way through already because they are only 3 weeks long. I'm excited for them to be over but I'm not excited to go back to work. I'll be going to Big Ticket again this year with Justin and maybe others but they haven't told us yet. i will be a counselor at camp like I am every year but I'm totally getting too old for it and I'm pretty much ready for a new kind of challenge. I love be

I'm in a good mood today but I just wish the day would go by faster because I want to go see Justin. i'm chillin' at Qdoba by myself right now and it's pretty boring. i wish I could have had a lunch date with Justin. I really am contemplating skipping my psychology class. Oh how bored i am right now. Hopefully things will pick up soon!

Invisible Mom It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more ! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summ

I starting to comprehend the need for prayer. i mean I have always hypothetically understood that prayer was a requirement but now I am starting to see the need for it in my daily life. I really need prayer when I am being annoyed by the fact that i cannot block people out very well and I have a hard time saying "no" to certain people and I cannot make some people leave my life no matter how dire the need for them to stop influencing me is. I need a prayer group and I'm not sure how to start. Once again I'm being annoyed with my inability to tune people out and my computer is not cooperating very well.

I feel like the world is simply giving up on bettering itself. I want to see things get better but I also am intelligent enough to realize that things are going to get worse before they get better. I had lunch with a great Christian friend today who's views on society are very similar to mine. We look at life from a very similar background and I feel like we are meant to be good friends. Family is important for both of us. We were talking about life after college and the prospect is scary because of how unstable the world is and we don't know what will be there for us when we finally do decide what we want to do with our lives. Shouldn't someone be teaching our generation how it is that we are supposed to be making these decisions? I feel like no one ever taught me the proper way to go about making an important life decision. My family and church members have always told me to pray to God about it but when do i know what answer he is giving me? Because I'm prett

I'm feeling like I should be doing something more with my life. I want to be a woman that people look up to for accomplishing my goals and being a Christ centered woman. I want to be beautiful on the inside and that would radiate to the outside. I want to be a loving wife and then eventually a mother (not too soon though). I want to be an encouraging person to others. I want to be able to tell people how God is working in my life and really believe every word that I am saying. I miss the times when I was so encouraged. Satan has a foothold in my life and I want to knock him out. He is able to tell me that I am not good enough or that I am failing. I go through both of these feelings on a daily basis and this isn't fair anymore. I want to be in charge of my own life and my own feelings and my own thoughts. I want to live for Christ because he has been such a huge part of my life. I want to be able to make a difference in the lives of the youth around our church and a

I literally went through the first 90 pages of facebook flair. I know you wish you were as cool as me... oh and I have to stay in Mt P late tonight....fail. I'm so ready for tomorrow afternoon!

Feeling hopeful!!!! It's a great feeling to be full of hope for the future. hope is a just another word for anticipation or to desire something with reasonable confidence. my hope is that I will start changing my life. I have started with grades, as I am a college student and this is my life. Going into this semester i had a low 2.0 GPA. I am currently receiving A's in 3 out of 4 classes. They are not easy classes or difficult classes, I classify them as moderately time consuming. There are group projects which I have never been great at--but I'm looking at them with a new perspective. I will do well because I believe that I will do well and I am working hard so that I do well. Also my "secret" hope is that i will get engaged soon. I love Justin and everyone, that knows me very well, knows this fact. It is simply not a secret at all. I love him with all of my heart. He has been there for me when no one else has been. I can talk to him about anything--

You may not believe me but yes.... it is snowing outside. This is Michigan though--no one would expect anything less. Man I hate snow--alas I will never escape it's grasp because I will not move south. I will move west but not south (not for any length of time that is). I was so hyper this morning. I had coffee it always does it to me. but now I'm a little tired. I however do not have class so maybe I'll take a nap. Then read my Psych chapter and go to psych of course. Oh the dilemma this poses

I'm almost starting my classes this semester. I have 35 minutes of freedom left. I'm so nervous. I don't know why i am always so nervous but it's the first day of classes and I really just want to run away. I think part of the reason I am so nervous is because I keep getting a doomsday report from every direction. Everyone thinks that everything is going down the tubes and we shouldn't have a good outlook on life but.... what if some of us would like to keep the little bit of hope that we have left. hope of a better life, hope that our dreams will come true, hope that I will have time to be able to get married and raise the family that I want so badly to have. I want to keep my hope--so all of you who no longer have hope--stop raining on my parade. i have hope that the future holds something better for all of us--so keep dreaming people and remember to forget the economy for a few minutes everyday and just simply remember your dreams! Thanks for letting me

Back at my coffee shop just in time to start school again next week. I'm so not ready. I have to work on Thursday and i haven't been there in so long. I really do not want to go there. i feel like I should have a different job, i want a job that I actually enjoy--is that too much to ask. My friend Crystal Bower passed away Sunday night and i got the news Monday afternoon. I'm praying that her 5 year-old son Gaige is doing okay. Crystal did not have the best family life but I think Gaige's dad will take him in and love him like the rest of his family. i hope that my faith in him is not wasted. Sam and i searched for a bread store in Midland because we want really good heavy bread again like the stuff that she got from the Wealthy Street Bakery in Grand Rapids. Speaking of Sam, she wants to go visiting friends and dropping off gifts--I think that might call for a roadtrip.

It's the new year already! I cannot believe how every year goes by so fast and so slow at the exact same time. I am sitting next to the man of my dreams. He's everything that I never thought i was allowed to have and everything that I finally admitted that I want. I love him more than words could ever express. I used to be intimidated by his family but now they are simply part of my family. We share things that I never thought I would with "his" family when the time came but like I said now they are "mine" too. I am going to plan a couple's dinner with his mom around Valentine's Day! He hates the holiday--he says it's from Hallmark but I think this will make it special for me anyway. Side note--he always participates for my sake anyway. i told you he was amazing--you didn't believe me-well now you should. Hope your new years resolutions are starting off on the right foot. My new years resolution is to exercise at least once a week (baby