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I found out earlier this week that I don't have a job for the summer so I am like every other unemployed person out there--filling out applications like a mad woman. If I didn't have to drive so far to see Justin, I might not even worry about having a job but he is unemployed too and trying not to spend too much money. So that means that our outings have to be pretty cheap. There are things that we could do for cheap, like go to the park, have a picnic, or go for a walk. i just don't know how to ask. i really am not motivated to do most of these things so I need someone who will help motivate me. Plus I need to lose some weight because I have gained back all the weight that I lost after high school and probably more. But this is the thing that I have found: Trying to be healthy and go on a diet is expensive because the foods that are good for you are not something that you can just pick up for $1 at McDonald's. Fast food is so convenient that I don't even have to cook, I can pay someone else to do it but i am showing how much I eat it these days. I tried on some shorts that i was able to wear last year and I got them zipped up but that was about as far as I got because if I would have tried to sit down I'm pretty sure the shorts would have been headed for the trash because they would have been seriously ripped.


In other news: Pastor Jim's cancer in the esophogus is gone but the shoulder cancer is getting worse.
Big Ticket is next weekend and I'm excited.

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Sigh*

My pastor is not doing well. It's been a while since we found out that he had cancer but he is not gone yet and I am simply irritated by everyone who has let go of him already. I just had an epiphany that maybe I'm supposed to be letting go as well so that God can do his work or so that God can take him home. I don't really feel bad that pastor Jim is dying because he has been in so much pain lately that I just want to see his suffering ended. I'm angry at myself for not feeling bad and not crying. I didn't even cry when I lost grandpa a couple weeks ago. part of me wonders if it's because i don't feel anything. Just wondering, which is something I do a lot of lately. Needed to get this out of my system so I can focus on other things right now. More pressing things, maybe not more important.
So I'm not going to the thing for His House tonight because Sam came with me to Mt P. she's been chillin while I've been doing homework and the like. My stomach hurts really bad today but everything else is going pretty well so I'm okay with it. I think I might need to eat again so the pain goes away.