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JUSTIN

Spending time with the love of my life... we're only at a coffee shop and we are on separate computers. We have high schoolers surrounding us. Oddly, I feel on odd sense of being at home among them. They are acting stupid. I feel like I could too if I really wanted to.

I love Justin Robert Clarkson. He is the most amazing man that I have ever met. He spends time with me, not always doing something with just me and I feel loved, protected and safe.

he is everything to me.

Sometimes I just don't understand the silence and then it isn't even quiet anymore and that reminds me that I am supposed to cherish every moment not because of all the other moments but simply because every moment is different.

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Sigh*

My pastor is not doing well. It's been a while since we found out that he had cancer but he is not gone yet and I am simply irritated by everyone who has let go of him already. I just had an epiphany that maybe I'm supposed to be letting go as well so that God can do his work or so that God can take him home. I don't really feel bad that pastor Jim is dying because he has been in so much pain lately that I just want to see his suffering ended. I'm angry at myself for not feeling bad and not crying. I didn't even cry when I lost grandpa a couple weeks ago. part of me wonders if it's because i don't feel anything. Just wondering, which is something I do a lot of lately. Needed to get this out of my system so I can focus on other things right now. More pressing things, maybe not more important.
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