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Pursuing Calm

I am finding the calm in the chaos of my life.  So many things have changed that I could not possibly list them all but I will start with the biggest change of my life.

 I am now a widow, solo parent. 

 It's crazy to think that in the last post I wrote I was concerned with having more kids and Justin working too much.  I can't even deal with my reasoning of those times.  Now I know that God had a plan in place not allowing me to get pregnant again and have another child to deal with without Justin by my side.  I have a difficult time with Luke as it is how would I even cope with another child.  

 Through Justin's death I felt much closer to God but then I became bitter and felt like I walked away.  Now I am simply trying to find out what I believe again.  My faith has certainly been challenged.  I feel like I still have faith but I have to figure out where I am placing my faith.  I want to be putting it in the right places.  

 I have been seeing a counselor and I feel like she has helped me, challenged me, and helped me to find my own motivation for certain things.  She has helped me to open my awareness of my surroundings and in doing that I notice so much more about my life.  I am working on living a minimalist lifestyle, in my own way.  I will probably always have more than some people because I do value some things in my life but I am seeking a way to break the hold that objects have over me.  


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